My name is Taylor. Dig it. I live in Mountain View, California and in October I'll be four years old. That's this many…4
(I refuse to hold up my fingers to designate my age… so childish). Want to see a picture of me? Too bad... you might be a perv. Weirdos, pervs, and creeps irritate me. Anyway...

My mommy and daddy are always coaxing me into making animal sounds. "What does a cow say?" is a typical question when they want me to entertain houseguests. I roll my eyes and give them a wearisome "moo." What's with adults? Why are they infatuated with animal sounds? I'd much rather be discussing world politics or the fascinating intricacies of pre-Renaissance French art... but no, always the kid stuff. I'm underestimated constantly, really I am.

Regardless, there is something to be said for farm animals, those majestic domesticated creatures, the blue-collar backbone of America's farmlands. Although I abhor having to imitate their vocal qualities, I do have some strong opinions about their enduring qualities, practical usefulness, and aesthetic characteristics. Want to read them?